A Message for New Moms: Stop Comparing Your Journey

You are not alone

Society’s Standards For New Moms

I am always amazed at the vast number of women who enter motherhood and post pictures on social media of their amazing bodies immediately after having a new baby. I also wonder why we don’t see those same pictures five years later, when it becomes more and more challenging to snap back to pre-baby body. Every woman carries herself differently and it’s important to acknowledge that being a new mom is a tough time in every individual’s life. New moms have to adjust their lives in so many ways, from breastfeeding schedules to sleep habits. In addition they have the additional pressure of knowing how they should look after giving birth, or at least according to society’s standards. This is my opinion is one of the most damaging things social media has done for new moms. Don’t get me wrong, you can learn a whole lot on new parenting tips, hacks, and even post partum fitness programs geared toward new moms but the other side to that equation is an unattainable and at times scary timeline of what new “mom-bods” should look like.

New mothers are under pressure to snap back to their pre-baby bodies immediately. Many individuals, whether they are well-meaning friends, relatives or even strangers on social media, seem to have the expectation that moms should bounce back into their skinny jeans in a matter of months after giving birth. I think it’s this pressure that compels many women to post pictures of their amazing bodies immediately after having a new baby. It’s only natural that women would want to boast about how quickly they were able to bounce back into shape, especially on social media where everyone is watching. But what does that do to a mom’s mental health? Either you are the mom starving herself, buying tummy trainers trying to look the part or you are the mom who can’t achieve those results and left feeling down. No one wins here.

My message is simple for new moms and moms who have devoted their time to raising their kids and in turn, put themselves last. “Instead of focusing on what you don’t have in the way of your pre-baby body, try focusing on what you do have. You may not feel like or look like your old self right now, but you’re still the same person inside who is capable of amazing things. Don’t compare yourself to other women as your journey is as unique as they are.”

It’s so important for new moms to remember how far they’ve come and all of their accomplishments as new mothers. Instead of focusing on the extra pounds, try focusing on that little human who is now depending on you for everything. You’re an amazing mom and your child needs you to be positive and happy. This was the driving force behind Be Active Live Better and one of the main reasons I focus my attention to women. We need to support each other and empower one another to do what feels right and pay attention to mom’s needs too.

When Mental Health Needs To Take Top Priority

One in three women suffer from post-partum depression and it can be difficult for them to put themselves in a time and place where they feel good about themselves again. (Stats Canada, 2019)

1. What is Postpartum Depression

As the name of the disorder implies, postpartum depression is a type of mood depression that occurs in women following pregnancy. It is said to be the most common complication of childbirth. Postpartum depression usually begins during or after delivery and may continue for about two months. Symptoms include fatigue, loss of interest in activities, crying spells, anxiety, hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. Treatment includes medication and counseling.

How to cope with postpartum depression

In order to properly cope with PPD, those who have been diagnosed should visit their doctor as soon as possible. Treatment is usually a combination of psychotherapy and medication. Counseling can help with the emotional struggles that come along during this time. Therapy can also teach women self-soothing techniques to cope with stress that can help with feelings of isolation, sadness or anger. Counseling is needed when women are experiencing feelings of hopelessness and despair. Cognitive behavioral therapy can also be helpful in learning new coping skills for dealing with difficult situations.

What helped me through that difficult time was speaking with a therapist who helped me set goals for myself and helped me remember that I didn’t need to lose myself after becoming a mom. It is OK to seek help. It doesn’t have to be the last resort. Therapy can be preventative. We need to advocate for this more.

Tips For New Moms To Honor Their Journey

Continuing through motherhood without comparison to other women’s journeys can be difficult, but there are ways to do so.

1. Instead of focusing on the extra pounds, try focusing on that little human who is now depending on you for everything. You’re an amazing mom and your child needs you to be positive and happy.
2. There are many resources available for those who are struggling with postpartum depression. Some of the best resources are online support groups where people can share their stories and connect with others facing similar struggles. It can also help to seek out professionals in your area who specialize in mental health care. If you know someone who you suspect is experiencing postpartum depression, a great way to help them get the care they need is by supporting and encouraging them. A new mom having a rough day might feel too embarrassed or weak to ask for help, so offering assistance yourself can be of great benefit.
3. Acknowledge your feelings. Going through a postpartum period can be a tough time, and you might find that you’re feeling extreme sadness or anger. It’s important to know that it is normal for anyone going through this type of period to experience these emotions.
4. Find someone to talk to about what you’re going through. It’s good to have an outlet for those emotions- whether it is a friend, counselor or psychologist. Talking about what you are going through with someone who can be a support can help tremendously in the healing process.
5. Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Eating healthy, exercising regularly and getting plenty of sleep are all ways you can take care of yourself. Physical movement can be anything from walking, dancing, biking, or yoga. It’s important to do something that is fun and not feel like another demand is put on you.
6. Take everything one day at a time. No matter how long the struggle might be, it is imperative to keep moving forward and remember that there will be ups and downs on this journey through motherhood.
7. Recognize and accept help from those around you. Taking care of a new baby is hard, and sometimes even the smallest things can be exhausting or difficult to do on your own. It’s important to accept offers of help from family and friends so that you can focus on yourself a little too.

My wish for any new mom is to honor her own journey. Take time to soak it all in and to always make time for herself. Remember, there is always someone going through a similar situation so never feel like you are alone. Women supporting women is a beautiful thing. We need more of this.

If you are struggling or know a mom that is in need of support, please connect with your local community resources. And please reach out.

XO

Michelle